Confidence is the weirdest thing ever. When I was in my early twenties, I was a size 4 but could never wear a bikini because I was too embarrassed at how “huge” I looked. (Because I was not a size 2…I know, I know…misguided youth!) I'm bigger now, but got myself a bikini anyway in a color I like. Figured life is too short to worry about a little bulge here and there so long as my bloodwork looks good (and it does; the doc joked that maybe I should eat more junk food or something). Besides, if anyone mocks the way I look in my new bikini, I can always feature him/her as a villain and/or a weasel in one of my stories.

Interestingly, not giving a damn about what other people think gives me more confidence and a sense of liberation. I'm not sure why I wasted so much of my youth worrying about fitting in. Guess it was just part of the growing up process.

On the writing front, I started the first draft of my new WIP. Much to May's surprise, I'm pantsing this draft. I've never really pantsed. Everything I've written had a clear outline, but I figured why not? Maybe I'll do better this way. I'll never know unless I try.

Oh BTW — Amazon is selling Altec Lansing UHP336 earphones for less than $40 which I think is a great price. I love the clarity and the beautiful sound. I can hear everything, every little base note, the cellos, etc. (I'm a very aural person, and I love listening to music when I write, etc.) The only bad thing is that it highlighted how inadequate iPods are for playing music. The earphone is very sensitive so it picks up every hiss, etc. from your audio unit (should you have a crappy one), and iPods produce the worst static and hiss. (Naturally, you won't notice anything if you use the meh “earbuds” that come with your iPods.) What a disappointment. iPod Touch was the worst even if the wifi off. So if I want to listen to music on it, I'm stuck with earbuds.

P.S. I googled the problem, thinking that maybe it was just my earphones, but actually a lot of audiophiles have noticed the same issue. *sigh*

Last night, my site got hacked, and my hosting service suspended my account. It turned out that some @#$% got in and installed a phishing script on my server. Thankfully, my host didn't delete my account, and they gave me some tips on how to deal with the security issues. Unfortunately I had to delete my newsletter script from my nadialee.net site, but that's really minor since it could've been WordPress, which powers my entire website & blog. (FYI — I upgrade WordPress religiously.)

So in order to prevent the @#$% that had happened to me from happening to you, I suggest that you upgrade your scripts & applications you have on your server. I'm talking about things like WordPress (the core), plug-ins, Joomla, forums, etc.

And all you hackers & phishing scammers out there — there's a special place in hell just for you. :evil:

After a lot of research and so on, I've finally decided to get a pink Samsung NC10. Doesn't it look pretty?

A lot of people seem to swear by Samsung's awesome keyboard, and I need something other than my MacBook for working on my manuscripts. Although the MacBook's nice, it gets very hot, and I have to use a lap desk with it because its sharp edges cut into my wrists, etc. and cause pain when I type for a long time on it. (I have an ergonomic keyboard, but sometimes I want to be away from my desk, esp. with the back pain, etc.)

On another front, I'm going to the States for two months. I'm totally excited since I haven't been home in over two years. I plan to see Hero Material's family, Agent and friends. (My family is of coures on the list, in case Mom's reading this.) And shopping…! Can you believe I haven't bought any clothes or shoes in almost three years? I can't buy anything that fits me right in this country. I'm considered too tall and large. (Hey, at least Victoria's Secret thinks I'm small, so I guess that must count for something, right?! LOL)

Finally a short public announcement — I know I'm bad with blog updates. So if you want to know what I'm up to though, you can always follow me on Twitter, which gets updated almost every day. I don't auto follow, but I respond to tweets directed at me. Make sure to use @NadiaLee. Thanks!

I realized that I haven't blogged in over two weeks. Yikes. How the heck did that happen?

Mostly, I've been just busy and occupied with other things and didn't even think about it. I'm working on some secret revisions only a few people know about, getting ready for my trip to the States (which involves going to the local immigration bureau office)…

Oh and I'm back in rehab for neck & lower back pain. It seems like I go there every summer. Last year, I was stupid about it and waited until July, and basically couldn't sleep for weeks due to the most horrendous neck pain. Talk about lost productivity.

This time we did an MRI, and the doctor confirmed that I have a couple of herniated discs. The good thing is that with some extensive (and very long) PT & exercises, I should be able to manage the pain and lead a normal life. The bad thing is that the pain I have all along my spine can cause a horrible migraine. (Which is probably the reason why my head felt so awful recently…) The doctor ordered me to come back ASAP after my trip to the States to resume my treatment. If he had it his way, I'd stay in Japan and get rehabbed three times a week.

P.S. Buttercup had babies. Again. (I think this brings us up to 21 hamsters, total.) They're incredibly cute. However, since Buttercup is under some delusion that she is starving (she isn't; we give her tons of food every day), she always pushes her kids out of the way to get the most delish treats. *shaking head*

Recently, I've been slightly stressed about many things. Some of it was writing and some not. I basically let things get to me to the point that I wasn't quite as cool-headed as I would be normally. Things like planning for my wedding, a long trip to the States, etc. all just added up. I'm already going over what needs to be done for the ceremony and the banquet (and thinking about the budget too!) and what to do about our hamsters while we're gone, etc. Oh and let's not forget my wondering what directions I want to take with my WIPs, my family pressure (it's the wedding; my mom's already demanding to know when she can expect her first grandchild), several people insisting on XYZ for my wedding, etc.

Hero Material and May basically kept me sane during the insane time. Jill also helped me see that I'm not alone and that I just need to take a deep breath and communicate. My uber-agent of course was absolutely delightful (and helpful!), and I felt 100% better about everything after speaking with her.

So I want to thank you all for your support and kindness! :wub:

Check out my author interview and leave a comment for your chance to win a copy of Devil Falls!

FYI — I published Devil Falls under another name. :)